Avoid This Mindset When Experiencing Rejection
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Understanding the "How Could You?" Mindset
Rejection can stir up intense emotions, often leading us to think, “How could they treat me this way? After everything I’ve done for them?” It’s a common feeling, one many of us can relate to, especially if you’ve been involved with someone who seems half-hearted about the relationship. Perhaps they have a tendency to be unreliable, showing interest only when it suits them, leaving you questioning your own feelings.
Despite recognizing that you deserve better, you may find yourself still drawn to them, even if they clearly exhibit disinterest. You might wonder why you tolerate their behavior, like late replies or lingering on dating apps, yet hesitate to voice your concerns. This internal conflict can lead you to question your worth, especially when faced with rejection after putting up with their actions for so long.
The Breaking Point: A Destructive Outburst
Eventually, the frustration boils over, and you might find yourself exploding with emotions. After all the times you’ve held back your feelings—when you wanted to ask why they haven’t seen you in weeks—you end up feeling cheated. You might think, "I sacrificed so much, and this is the outcome?" But the reality is, you aren’t entitled to a reward simply because you’ve held back.
We often forget that relationships don’t come with guarantees. Your actions don’t dictate someone else’s feelings or choices. It’s a mistaken belief to think that by sacrificing your own needs, you’ll be rewarded with love and approval.
The Pitfalls of Self-Sacrifice
Self-sacrifice or self-abandonment involves putting aside your own needs for someone else’s approval. This behavior often stems from childhood experiences, as noted by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, in her article on Psychology Today. Many people find themselves in emotionally neglectful relationships that mirror their early experiences with caregivers, leading them to suppress their genuine needs.
For instance, if a child learns that expressing emotions results in rejection, they may stop crying to avoid disapproval. This pattern continues into adulthood, manifesting as a tendency to please others at the expense of one’s own needs.
Rewiring Your Mindset
Continuing to self-abandon in relationships is counterproductive. Each relationship differs from the dynamics we had with caregivers, and trying to apply past blueprints can lead to repeated cycles of rejection. To break this pattern, it’s crucial to adopt a new mindset.
Ironically, clearly expressing what you want can increase the chances of receiving it. Setting boundaries is essential for self-respect and self-esteem. By articulating your needs, you not only affirm your worth but also encourage others to do the same. However, be prepared for the possibility of rejection when asserting your boundaries.
Setting boundaries is about self-care. Would you rather affirm your value and risk someone walking away, or remain silent and allow yourself to be mistreated? Remember, everyone has the right to their feelings and choices, and you cannot control others.
People-pleasing is often a misguided attempt to maintain harmony and secure approval, but it rarely reflects your true feelings or desires. Acknowledge this behavior and work towards expressing your authentic self.
Cultivating self-worth from within is essential. No one can fill the void you feel; that responsibility lies with you.
Check out the following videos for further insights:
Explore strategies to shift your mindset on rejection and learn how to overcome setbacks effectively.
Delve into the concept of a rejection mindset and discover if you might be holding onto it.
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