Chapter 1: Understanding Social Anxiety

Navigating social interactions can often feel bizarre.

"Absolutely! Look at me... engaging, making connections, how thrilling!"

Insert your favorite narrator here "But little did she know, this feeling would be fleeting. Soon, her social awkwardness would resurface."

And here comes Quirky Quinn!

No worries, I’ve been lurking behind my screen this whole time. Recently, in a chat with Victor Cardenas, he touched on how growing up with a narcissistic mother can lead to awkwardness in adulthood. This struck a chord with me, as I’ve been reflecting on some negative patterns I’ve developed due to my upbringing. Coupling that with my mental health struggles, it’s no wonder I sometimes come off as quite immature!

I've previously shared that I'm in the process of coming to terms with having experienced abuse from my mother throughout my life. As I delve into specific memories, I transport myself back to those moments. Once I finish processing those thoughts, I often find myself able to return to my current mental state. It feels hypocritical at times!

I dislike being interrupted or having conversations dominated by others. It's not just inconsiderate; when I'm in the middle of a thought and get sidetracked, that idea vanishes for a long while.

Ironically, I often find myself interrupting others. When I feel the urge to share an idea, I need to voice it before it slips away or the conversation shifts. This habit likely stems from needing to speak over family members to be heard throughout my life.

This realization has made me aware that I struggle in group dynamics, whether online or in person. The first step? Start participating.

My anxiety sends me signals: "Quinn, if you jump in uninvited, others might think you’re intruding, and that won't be welcomed."

… OR MAYBE I JUST WANT TO JOIN IN, KAREN!! GEEZ!!

After I convince myself to engage, I wrestle with finding the right moment.

A lightbulb moment hits: "I’ll pop into Discord with this hilarious gem... Look, everyone! It’s a PenQuinn!! HAHAHAHA!"

But then Anxiety/Karen rears her head again, "No, that’s silly. No one will find that funny! Stick to safer replies, just respond to someone else’s joke."

So, I play it safe.

"Oh, haha, The Sturg, that was hilarious! I remember this one time..."

And then... silence.

Anxiety whispers, "Well, you’ve successfully killed the vibe, haven’t you? Better delete that comment before anyone knows you were ignored. How embarrassing!"

Or maybe, just maybe, people are busy typing, on calls, or didn’t catch my comment. Relax, it’s just a chatroom!

There's more to unpack. I often feel the need to justify and apologize for everything. This is a habit ingrained from my interactions with my narcissistic mother. I take things too personally, even when I know I shouldn't. The truth is, people aren’t constantly reacting to me; I’m not that pivotal. And if they are, it might be best to steer clear.

I often wish I could see myself through others’ perspectives. Do I appear as awkward as I feel? Probably.

But you know what? That's okay. Why? Because I’m becoming more aware of how I interact. I recognize the fears I need to address. I can improve and reclaim the social confidence I once had. Change won’t happen overnight, but there’s hope in knowing I won’t be stuck like this forever.

I appreciate those who make an effort to understand and are patient with me. I love being Quirky Quinn, but I know I need to make changes for my mental and social health. I strive to become the best version of myself.

I'm learning to accept who I am at this moment. It feels like I'm discovering things anew, but with a clearer vision. I know my goals are achievable because I’ve reached them before.

Sometimes, it’s humiliating. My feelings get hurt when they shouldn’t. I retreat when that happens, not wanting to bring anyone down with me.

I need to give myself grace. Not everyone understands my mental and medical challenges, so they might not grasp why I act the way I do. When I share personal stories, it’s not out of vanity; I do it to show empathy or understanding. However, it can easily be misinterpreted.

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly interrupting or focusing too much on yourself during conversations?

But this phase isn’t permanent; it’s just a moment in time.

Watch as my transformation unfolds!

Don’t you want to witness it?

Love, Quinn

Chapter 2: Conversations on Social Awkwardness

In the first video, "Overcoming Social Awkwardness: A Conversation with YelloPain," Victor discusses overcoming the challenges of social interactions. He shares insights and experiences that resonate with many struggling with similar feelings.

The second video, "5 Hacks to Succeed When You Feel Socially Awkward," offers practical tips for navigating social situations with confidence and ease, perfect for anyone looking to improve their interactions.