Embracing Change: Understanding Our Perception of Suffering
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Chapter 1: The Nature of Suffering
In contemplating a powerful quote by Marcus Aurelius, we delve into the essence of our responses to external events.
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." - Marcus Aurelius (from Meditations)
Marcus Aurelius, who reigned as Emperor of Rome from 161 to 180 AD, is celebrated not only as one of the 'Five Good Emperors' but also as a Stoic philosopher. His writings, particularly The Meditations, offer profound insights that remain relevant today.
The 'Five Good Emperors' are often cited as a golden era for the Roman Empire, comprising Nerva (96–98 AD), Trajan (98–117 AD), Hadrian (117–138 AD), Antonius Pius (161–180 AD), and Marcus Aurelius (161–180 AD). This period is remembered for its peace and prosperity.
I find Aurelius's quote especially resonant. It encapsulates the idea that we construct our own realities. Events occur, and we create narratives about them. When we feel upset about a person, situation, or event, it’s usually our perception that disturbs us, not the event itself. This perception is something we can alter.
By taking a moment to breathe before reacting, we can choose our responses thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
Section 1.1: External Distress
The majority of the distress we experience daily stems from our fixation on past events or anxieties about future possibilities. External sources of pain—like job loss, relationship breakups, or bereavement—are often beyond our control.
Section 1.2: The Nature of Pain
As articulated by various philosophers, including the Dalai Lama, there's a notable saying: "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional." Pain is a natural part of life; events happen that hurt us, both physically and emotionally. With time, these wounds tend to heal.
However, we often cling to the suffering that prolongs our pain. This is a conscious choice. Once the initial pain has subsided, we can opt not to dwell in negativity.
Subsection 1.2.1: Perception and Response
Consider the scenario of someone losing their job. They could interpret this event negatively, thinking their employer disliked them or fearing they may struggle to find new employment, which could threaten their financial stability and relationships.
This cycle of suffering can hinder their job search, perpetuating a negative feedback loop. Conversely, they might view this as a chance for growth—perhaps to acquire new skills or even start a business. The same event can be seen through vastly different lenses.
Chapter 2: The Power of Choice
In his talk, "Speaking of Psychology: Why we choose to suffer," Paul Bloom, PhD, explores the intricacies of human suffering and the choices we make regarding our pain.
In another enlightening video, "Why you should want to suffer," Bloom discusses how embracing suffering can lead to personal growth and resilience.
The equation E + R = O (Event + Reaction = Outcome) illustrates that our reactions to events shape our outcomes. For instance, losing a job can be perceived as either a disaster or a doorway to new opportunities.
In every situation, there exists a brief moment between the occurrence and our reaction. This interval allows us to decide how to respond, influenced by our life experiences. If we see ourselves as unlucky, we may focus on the negative; if we view the world positively, we are more likely to expect good outcomes.
By adopting a mindful approach, we can pause in that moment of choice and opt to see the silver lining instead of the setback.
In Summary
Ultimately, it’s not the event itself that keeps us in suffering; it’s how we choose to manage our pain and how long we allow it to linger.
There's a Buddhist parable about the 'second arrow': a man is struck by an arrow, which causes pain, but then he chooses to shoot himself with a second arrow. This metaphor highlights the irrationality of our self-inflicted suffering—a choice we often unconsciously make.