Chapter 1: Understanding My Sensitivity

As someone who identifies as an empath and highly sensitive individual, I experience emotions deeply. Labels aside, after four and a half decades of life, I've come to understand my own needs and limitations.

Some individuals thrive in lively environments like sporting events or concerts, feeling invigorated and excited. You might picture someone on camera, painted in team colors, exuberantly cheering. For me, however, it’s quite the opposite. I often find such situations overwhelming and exhausting. The slightest sound can distract or even irritate me—whether it’s loud chewing, the rhythmic tapping of a pen, or even heavy breathing. This heightened sensitivity is often associated with ADHD and has been identified as a neurological condition known as misophonia. Many friends have pointed this out to me online, recognizing my unique experiences.

Regardless of any formal diagnosis, this sensitivity profoundly impacts my energy levels, sometimes more intensely than on other days. On a brighter note, calming sounds like ocean waves, waterfalls, and certain melodies have a restorative effect on me.

Chapter 2: The Social Butterfly Paradox

People often perceive me as a social butterfly, capable of engaging anyone in conversation. Whether I’m in line at a grocery store or at a social gathering, I frequently find myself chatting with strangers who, within moments, share their life stories with me. I enjoy being around others, and many find my company entertaining.

However, I share this not to boast but to highlight a challenge I’ve faced. My charismatic nature tends to attract narcissists, manipulators, and various emotional drains. I have an innate ability to see the good in people and a strong desire to help them. While some might label this as a savior complex, my heart genuinely wants to make a difference.

I aspire to fight injustice, heal the sick, and alleviate suffering. Much like a pageant queen, I yearn for world peace. Yet, time and again, I’ve realized that individuals must save themselves—including me. I am far from perfect; I have my own struggles and flaws. Perhaps my drive to assist others stems from my own desire to escape my issues or the belief instilled in me that prioritizing myself is selfish.

But this year, I’ve decided to embrace selfishness.

I intend to be selfish with my time, energy, aspirations, and needs. Like everyone else, I have but one life to live, and I want to experience it to the fullest. This realization has led me to develop what I call an "energy budget." Recently, a friend introduced me to this concept, sharing that she charges $100 per hour for her time. While we didn’t discuss her specific budget, it inspired me to create my own.

For instance, if I allocate 20 hours per month for social activities, I might spend 2 hours having coffee with Mary and 3 hours dining with Susie. You get the idea! My friend uses monetary values, but you can measure your time, energy, or resources however you wish—make it your own!

Video: Virginia To Vegas - Selfish

This song delves into the complexities of self-love and prioritization, echoing the journey of learning to be selfish.

Chapter 3: Prioritizing My Well-Being

For me, my energy is precious. While I cherish my relationships with friends and family, I also recognize the importance of feeling good, which sometimes requires making selective choices. Feeling good often means spending time alone to recharge—be it through writing, singing, dancing, or simply reflecting.

As much as I enjoy dedicating my time to others, I also treasure my own company. So, I’m not waiting for the new year to make changes; I’m starting now. I’m committed to budgeting my energy and embracing selfishness, and I encourage you to do the same! Because you are worth it, just as I am.

Video: Stephanie Quayle - Selfish

This track explores themes of self-empowerment and the importance of focusing on oneself, resonating with the idea of personal fulfillment.