Finding Connection Through Morning TV: A Unique Perspective
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Chapter 1: The Script of Life
My existence has often felt like a scripted performance, with the only exception being when I’m alone. In those moments, I can express myself freely. However, when in the company of others, I shift into a version of myself that I believe is more acceptable—an effort to appear “totally normal and definitely not autistic.” This process is incredibly taxing.
While some might refer to this as “masking,” the term doesn’t quite capture the complexity of my experience. I often find myself at a loss when it comes to social interactions, which is far beyond merely donning a facade.
From an early age, perhaps as early as preschool, I became aware of my social missteps—whether it was being too loud or blunt, or completely retreating into silence. My interests diverged from those of my peers, making it challenging to conceal this disparity.
Thus, I have spent my life observing human interactions, decoding body language in a quest to understand what I’m missing. Documentaries and reality shows about relationships captivate me, as I analyze the words and actions of those who are perceived as well-liked and socially adept. I strive to emulate their behaviors, hoping to ease my own social interactions.
Although I have made progress over the years, the internal struggle persists—trying to remain authentic while conforming to a standard that feels foreign.
Section 1.1: A Shift in Interests
I once identified as a news junkie, although my enthusiasm has waned as I have grown increasingly disheartened by the state of the world. The descent into selfishness and cruelty among humanity is something I prefer not to witness anymore.
As a child, I had a fondness for morning news programs, harking back to the days of Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel. While many dismissed these broadcasts as trivial gossip for bored homemakers and retirees, I was mesmerized.
I found particular intrigue in the live interviews, which often covered significant news events or occasionally featured heartwarming stories, celebrities, or authors promoting their works.
I absorbed every word, replaying it mentally to better understand the exchange.
The format of the interviews rarely varied.
The host would warmly greet the guest, who would reciprocate the pleasantry.
“Good morning, Mr. Miller. Thank you for being with us today. Congratulations on your successful debut novel.”
“Good morning. Thank you, Jane. It’s a pleasure to be here.”
Then the questions would commence.
“What inspired you to write this book?”
“What advice would you offer aspiring authors?”
The dialogue continued for a brief five to ten minutes until time dwindled.
“We have only a minute left, but I must ask—what’s the first thing you plan to do now that you’ve sold the movie rights for your book for $50 million?”
The guest typically responded with a brief, uplifting comment about starting a philanthropic initiative, like a summer camp for blind puppies.
The host would then express gratitude for the guest’s presence, as if their early morning appearance was a significant sacrifice for mere publicity.
“Thank you for sharing your new book with us. We wish you all the best.”
The guest would often echo the sentiment—if they didn’t get cut off first.
“It was wonderful being here. Thank you, Ja—”
This became a familiar template I had heard countless times.
I often wondered how interviewees managed to craft responses so seamlessly, even when they were unprepared for specific questions.
Though some inquiries could be anticipated, others were unpredictable, yet they seemed to respond without hesitation.
How? I was baffled.
My own responses didn’t flow so easily. There were times when I would sit, speechless, as my mind rifled through a mental catalog of similar questions I had encountered.
Occasionally, I would manage to articulate a mostly coherent reply, but often, my conversation partners would grow impatient and move on to spare me embarrassment. This left me feeling despondent.
Why couldn’t I articulate simple answers? Why was my communication so clumsy? Everyone else seemed to navigate social interactions with ease, while I struggled.
Despite how trivial it might seem, these interviews were instrumental in helping me enhance my communication skills. They taught me the subtleties of small talk, the dynamics of conversation, and the importance of allowing others to finish speaking.
In a way, this became my own version of speech therapy, which was unavailable to me at the time.
Unlike the cartoons and sitcoms I indulged in after school, these programs showcased how ordinary people engaged with one another in real-life situations.
It was my form of reality TV before reality TV existed.
In those earlier years, only children with evident impairments received assistance. If one could mask their struggles adequately, they were often overlooked and labeled unflatteringly, but ultimately left to navigate their difficulties alone. For me, it would be over three decades before receiving my autism diagnosis.
The morning news shows offered me a glimpse into the world I longed to join—a world where well-spoken, admired individuals provided me with invaluable lessons in the social skills I lacked.
Watching these programs inspired me. For an hour or two each morning, I envisioned myself as one of them, comfortably seated on a bright couch, effortlessly engaging in lively conversations with individuals interested in my thoughts.
Chapter 2: Learning Through Observation
In this video, Mel Robbins discusses the subtle signs that indicate a relationship is deteriorating and how to recognize when your partner might be secretly disrespecting you.