Managing Anxiety: Embracing Acceptance Instead of Elimination
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Understanding Anxiety
Many individuals grappling with anxiety often express a desire to eliminate it completely. This wish is entirely relatable, as anxiety can be a distressing experience.
Aleksandar Kurešević — Unsplash
"I just want to stop feeling anxious!" This sentiment echoes through many conversations I've had with clients facing anxiety. It's no surprise; who enjoys the sensation of trembling and stammering while delivering a toast at a close friend's wedding? Or the fear of a heart attack during an unexpected panic episode? No one relishes the compulsive need to diagnose every unusual bodily sensation. The frustration of repeatedly checking if the door is locked due to a nagging doubt can be overwhelming.
However, the true issue often lies not within the anxiety itself but in the beliefs we hold about it and our attempts to eradicate it. Negative perceptions of anxiety, coupled with ineffective coping strategies, can exacerbate the situation.
Exploring Negative Beliefs About Anxiety
Many people may tell themselves that experiencing anxiety is a weakness, or that it must be suppressed completely.
Why This Matters:
Research indicates that suppressing thoughts can lead to an increase in those very thoughts. Telling yourself not to think about something often results in a "rebound" effect, intensifying the feelings of anxiety.
In therapy, I illustrate this with a visual metaphor. I demonstrate by clenching my hands to symbolize the initial size of anxiety. As clients voice their negative beliefs—such as feeling they shouldn't experience anxiety or that they're incapable of coping—the metaphorical anxiety expands into a much larger entity.
Additionally, this suppression can lead to secondary anxiety, where individuals become anxious about their anxiety itself, compounding their distress. A colleague of mine once confessed her fear of appearing anxious during a significant presentation, which only added to her anxiety.
Steps to Address Anxiety:
- Embrace Your Anxiety: Surprisingly, the most effective way to manage anxiety is often through acceptance. Acceptance does not equate to liking the feeling; rather, it means recognizing it without resistance. For instance, I reassured my friend about her anxiety before her presentation, affirming, "Feeling anxious is entirely reasonable in this context!" She ultimately delivered a successful presentation.
- Reflect on Past Experiences: Recall previous instances of anxiety and evaluate their outcomes. Often, revisiting these moments can provide perspective and reassurance, reminding you that you have overcome such challenges before.
Unhelpful Coping Mechanisms
In addition to negative thoughts, many individuals engage in counterproductive behaviors to escape their anxiety.
Why This Matters:
While these behaviors may provide temporary relief—such as avoiding social gatherings or seeking excessive reassurance—they ultimately reinforce the belief that one cannot cope with anxiety.
Steps to Mitigate Anxiety:
- Identify Your Behaviors: Analyze the actions you take to "manage" anxiety, particularly avoidance and reassurance-seeking. Many individuals are unaware of their habits, so this self-reflection is critical.
- Face Your Fears: If avoidance is your tendency, break down the situation into smaller, manageable steps. For example, consider bringing a friend to a challenging event or setting time limits for exposure. Additionally, try to resist urges to seek reassurance or check on your anxiety triggers, even if you start with just a minute of resistance.
In summary, if your aim is to entirely eliminate anxiety, you may inadvertently make it worse. Instead, embracing and accepting anxiety, while avoiding behaviors that reinforce fear, can lead to a healthier relationship with it. By letting go of the need to eradicate anxiety, you may find it becomes much more manageable and less disruptive in your life.
Chapter 2: Helpful Resources
This video, titled Are You Trying to Get Rid of Anxiety? That Might be the Problem, delves into the common misconceptions about anxiety management and offers insights on how acceptance can lead to better coping strategies.
Chapter 3: More Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety
In this video, How to Deal With Anxiety - The Step-by-Step Guide, viewers can learn actionable steps to effectively manage their anxiety and improve their daily lives.
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