Chapter 1: The Journey to Emotional Freedom

“It’s hard to believe he’s still attractive,” my friend remarks.

“Is he?” I respond. “I don’t feel that way anymore. The charm he once had is completely gone for me.”

Soon after, I walk into a local eatery and spot my ex-husband with his new partner, who will eventually become his wife.

He has his arm wrapped around her, but I feel absolutely nothing—no sadness, no nostalgia, not even a flicker of emotion. Meeting her for the first time doesn’t stir anything in me either. I wonder what I expected to feel.

Later, I share this experience with my closest male friend from high school.

“So, how did it go?” he inquires.

“Honestly, I felt nothing,” I reply. “No sadness, no anger, no longing—just a strange feeling seeing him with someone else.”

“Really?” he asks in disbelief.

“Yes,” I confirm. “The only odd sensation was seeing him so physically close to another woman. That’s it. Just odd.”

It’s a tremendous relief to have completely moved on from my ex-husband.

To feel absolutely no emotional ties to someone I once thought was my soulmate is liberating. Those emotions had kept me ensnared in a detrimental relationship for far too long, preventing me from ending things when I needed to.

Recently, I spoke with a man whose ex-wife is still struggling to let go.

She is filled with anger—an emotion that often accompanies the dissolution of a marriage. I completely understand that anger can arise during the divorce process. It’s part of the emotional toll we pay and can serve as a stepping stone toward healing.

However, it’s been years since their divorce, which wasn’t even contentious. They dedicated a decade to marriage counseling, genuinely attempting to salvage their union. When they ultimately decided to part ways, the process was fair and swift. Both of them have stable jobs and new relationships. Yet, she remains entrenched in bitterness.

It baffles me how someone who has undergone substantial counseling and claims to be spiritually enlightened hasn’t managed to move past her anger. I can empathize with her frustration. I write about divorce and relationships because they can be intricate and messy, often fueled by raw emotions.

Yet, at some point, if one desires happiness and healing, that anger must diminish. People might misinterpret my writings about the severe challenges I faced during my divorce; I share my experiences to help others avoid similar pitfalls, not because I dwell in anger daily.

That said, I still have moments of frustration. Everyone does, especially when faced with betrayal, abuse, or injustice in a marriage or when children are affected by the aftermath of a divorce. Such experiences can evoke the worst in us, but it’s just a momentary feeling. It’s not an all-consuming rage that prompts nasty messages to an ex or their new partner. Instead, it’s a fleeting feeling that I might share with a friend, especially years after the divorce.

To clarify, there is a significant amount of emotional baggage attached to marriage and divorce. It’s natural to feel something when encountering an ex, but the key difference lies in whether that individual still holds power over you.

I no longer harbor feelings for my ex-husband—neither love nor nostalgia. I don’t miss him, not romantically, nor as a friend, nor as a life partner. I don’t miss being married or lament the course my life has taken. I once struggled to accept the reality of my divorce, but I’ve come to understand that this path was meant for me. I embrace it fully and find joy in this acceptance.

Fighting against the inevitable decline of my marriage drained me. Anger and resentment are unattractive. They diminish our worth and reveal an inability to move beyond a negative experience. Most importantly, they hand over our power to those we’ve already relinquished control to.

Divorce is about reclaiming that power.

Chapter 2: Breaking Free from Emotional Chains