# Rethinking Stoicism: Emotions and the Human Experience
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Chapter 1: The Emotional Response to Distress
Recently, while walking my dog Daisy—who is truly a wonderful companion—I encountered an unleashed dog that unexpectedly attacked her. The situation felt prolonged, and I found myself yelling in distress. Daisy, my brave girl, didn’t retaliate, and I later reported the incident to animal control.
Unprovoked attacks can trigger intense stress responses, unleashing a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes, even the smallest incident can ignite this turmoil, akin to witnessing a loved one being hurt. What once brought joy—like walking my dog—turned into anxious treks filled with worry. For days, I felt mentally unsettled, my physical tension reflecting my emotional state. I cried and engaged in self-care, knowing it was essential for my well-being. However, with my online feed brimming with Stoic philosophies and productivity advice, guilt crept in.
Section 1.1: Understanding Our Reactions
In recovery circles, a core principle emphasizes focusing on our reactions rather than the events themselves. I found striking parallels between these teachings and Stoic principles, particularly a quote from Epictetus in The Art of Living:
“Things themselves don’t harm us. It is our perception of these events that can be troublesome.”
This resonates with a common sentiment in recovery:
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I feel upset, it is usually because I find a person, place, or situation unacceptable. True serenity comes from accepting things as they are.”
While it’s valid to say that our perceptions shape our responses, it’s also crucial to acknowledge that some experiences—like trauma or attacks—do indeed inflict pain. Experiencing a negative reaction to such events is natural; pain signals that something needs attention.
Labeling emotional responses as irrational when they stem from genuine harm only adds layers of shame, suggesting victims should be faulted for their feelings. Proponents of Stoicism and 12-step programs might argue that succumbing to emotions makes one a slave to them. Ryan Holiday, a Stoic advocate, often stresses the importance of emotional control, yet emotions are valuable signals that convey vital information.
Section 1.2: The Paradox of Stoicism
Stoics define freedom as mastery over emotions rather than physical circumstances, which has historically served both the privileged and the oppressed. This philosophy can be misused to maintain status quos and rationalize systemic injustices.
The advice to “accept your circumstances” may benefit those seeking to uphold the status quo, but it often neglects the need to confront and process genuine emotional suffering. As a result, contemporary interpretations of Stoicism can diminish the very human experience of emotional impact.
Chapter 2: Moving Beyond Stoicism
In the video "10 Important Questions Retirees Should ALWAYS Ask Themselves | Stoicism," the discussion revolves around essential inquiries that can guide personal reflection and emotional resilience.
The video titled "What is Time Off For? The Daily Stoic September 26th" explores the purpose of taking breaks in our lives, emphasizing the importance of mental well-being.
My proposal is to reconsider the principles of Stoicism. Its rigid stance on emotions can hinder the nuanced human experience. It often leads individuals to justify harmful behaviors toward others, suggesting it’s wrong to express pain or distress. While reflecting on our role in situations is beneficial, emotions are a fundamental aspect of being human. Stress and anxiety are rational responses to threats, while trauma is a justified reaction to damaging experiences.
Many high achievers excel at suppressing their emotions, often leading to sudden, overwhelming breakdowns. Emotions are insightful signals that should not be ignored or dismissed. As Roxane Gay wisely stated, if we become too emotionally guarded, we risk losing touch with our own feelings, leaving us unaware of our wounds until it’s too late.
