Reviving Your Dreams: The Journey Back to Acting
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Chapter 1: Embracing My Passion
I've always identified as an actor, a truth I now share openly. This realization has been with me since I was just seven. At ten, I landed a role in a popular soap opera, a moment that significantly shaped my life, particularly during my teenage years.
During that time, I experienced many milestones: puberty, my first period, and the whirlwind of fame. I navigated controversies, shed countless tears, and grew immensely from the experience. I had two mothers—my real mom and the character's mom—for about six years. I missed school more times than I can count, yet I managed to maintain mostly A grades. It was a complex and humorous period in my life.
However, when the show concluded, I felt lost and empty. My identity seemed intertwined with my role, and without it, I struggled to find myself. I acted in a few short films that didn’t lead to much and enrolled in an acting and voice-over program at a prestigious institution, but it all felt lackluster. I gradually faded into obscurity.
At 18, I succumbed to the allure of nightlife and relocated to London under the pretext of studying Film and TV, leaving behind my dreams of acting and my former self. I felt like I was living a life akin to Macaulay Culkin's. But that was merely the beginning.
Without a Dream, You Can Feel Adrift
When you lose sight of your aspirations—often due to fear of failure or life circumstances, like a toxic relationship—it can feel like a part of you dies. The excitement and anticipation you once felt give way to stagnation.
We all possess a unique gift, and it’s our responsibility to discover and pursue it, regardless of the hurdles we face. Our purpose in life is tied to this gift, which we owe to the world that brought us into being. When you allow your dreams to wither, you must acknowledge your role in their demise.
Between the ages of 18 and 23, I pushed my physical and mental limits, indulging in exploration and experimentation. I bear scars from this journey, yet my acting career remained stagnant, leaving a trail of unfulfilled potential in its wake.
It wasn’t until I met my future husband that I felt the spark of ambition reignite. He rekindled a passion I thought was lost, helping me shed the weight of insecurity that had burdened me for far too long. Suddenly, clarity emerged, presenting me with an open path, reminiscent of stepping through a door into a fantastical realm.
Finding Momentum to Soar
In order to ascend, I knew I needed to commit wholeheartedly to my acting aspirations. Ironically, my revival coincided with the onset of Covid, but I refused to let it become an excuse for inaction.
I adapted to the new normal, embracing virtual auditions and the challenges they posed. Since the pandemic's end, I secured a few significant roles, including a small part in Daniel Monzon's film "Las leyes de la Frontera" and a major campaign for C&A, among other minor projects. Yet, the success rate of auditions felt inadequate.
To regain my footing, I decided to retrain, knowing I needed to stay relevant. My ego took a backseat as I acknowledged that I was essentially starting over, necessitating humility. I researched acting classes in NYC and Spain and applied to several.
One opportunity was Bernard Hiller's Masterclass, where acceptance required a pre-selection and interview process. For those unfamiliar, Hiller is a renowned acting coach who assists performers in identifying and achieving their dreams. His list of notable clients includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, and Lindsay Lohan.
The stakes were high.
As I sat for the interview, the organizer asked, "So, Paula, do you have a dream?"
I hesitated, fumbling through a vague, generic response that lacked depth. His expression revealed a hint of disappointment. He bluntly stated, "You lack focus. You need to be more specific. What type of actor do you aspire to be? In what medium? With whom? By when? How?"
He was right; I had been trying instead of taking decisive action.
Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how deeply I had abandoned my belief in dreams since the end of my television series. I had equated dreams with wishful thinking, a notion that many dismiss as mere fantasy. I began to wonder how many dreams had been lost due to my cynicism.
Without a dream, where do you go? What are you striving for? Where are your thoughts, words, and actions directed? Without a dream, life can feel pointless.
Accountability and Growth
I’m still on a journey of self-discovery, but I am increasingly aware of who I am not. I welcome challenges and the opportunity for growth. I'm ready to take on any obstacles in my path, eager to learn and improve.
No longer fearful of pursuing my dreams, I’m determined to do whatever it takes, regardless of how long the journey may be.
"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." — Lao Tzu
I've realized that true contentment in the present is essential for focusing on your dreams. If you let life's chaos consume you, you become a mere character in the play rather than a co-creator.
I’m prepared to voice my aspirations and make them a reality. Part of realizing a dream involves articulating it, sharing it with the world, and embracing it wholeheartedly.
Are you ready?
My dream is to star in a film directed by Olivia Wilde, Isabel Coixet, or Gaspar Noe by the time I turn 30. By sharing this, I've made myself accountable.
So, what is your dream?
Every action you take from this moment forward—every class you enroll in, every conversation you have, every meal you prepare, every workout you complete—should move you closer to that dream or risk fading away.
Final Thoughts
When I began writing this, I was uncertain about my acceptance into the program, but just two days ago, I received an email offering me a spot!
The financial commitment is substantial, but not unmanageable. I’m filled with a mix of excitement, nervousness, and joy, knowing this is a step in the right direction.
Sharing this journey has made me vulnerable, but it’s also inspired me to hold myself accountable. Your support means the world to me, serving as a nudge toward making this dream a reality.
There’s a vital lesson in being prepared and flowing toward your aspirations with intention.
Do you believe in having a dream? What is that thing you’d die if you didn’t achieve?
I haven’t chosen the names below randomly. Each individual has been carefully selected based on their unique bios, as I wish to share more about myself and learn about you too.
Anu Kumar, Lisa Johnson, Beth Bach, Farris Cash, John Emmanuel, Ken Makimsy Middleton, Mutima, Ginny Grabowski, Emmanuel A. Anderson, Guy Nave, Maggie Kelly, Jess the Avocado, Jeremiah Givens, Divina Grey, Stephen O'Meara, Miriam Slozberg, Sherryl Clark, Anggun Bawi, Nihan Kucukural, Emma Colsey-Nicholls, Lyuba G, Ayodeji Awosika, Tristan S. Montoya, Jason Ramsay, Sandra Pawula, Moreno Zugaro, Ankit Karody, Cynthia Colson, Nova Richards🪐, Nelisiwe Zangana, Art Bram, Ria Vanessa Caliste, Jake Meeks, Vivian Lo, Staria Khan, Drew R. Robinson, Claire Michaeljohn, Jennifer Locklear, Damian Clark, Deola - The Bodacious You, Nan Hutton, ThD, Bill Woods, Nicole Dake, Joe Elvin, Chris Davidson, DeAnna Shires, JK Conibear, Jessica Frayne, The Sophist, Gusta-Lee Lentoor, Lone Brinkmann ✒️📖📚, Melissa Tsuei, Krista Bennett.
Fellow writers, I look forward to hearing your dreams!
Love,
P.A.U.L.A
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