Chapter 1: Understanding Your Inner Monster

Be conscious of your inner beast.

Some days, it lies dormant and silent. On most days, however, it struggles to break free, scratching and snarling for release. It craves sustenance, and during those moments, silencing it becomes a formidable challenge. The monster gnaws at your nerves like a persistent dog with a bone.

This creature is a permanent fixture of your existence; it is as intertwined with your being as you are with it. With eyes gleaming with spite and sharp teeth, it embodies a sinister presence. Its skin is slick and scaly, its tough exterior armed with razor-like claws. The air around it reeks of fear and malice.

No substance—be it alcohol, drugs, or medication—can quench the fury of this inner beast. Prepare your mind, for this entity is immortal.

It appears in various forms, making it difficult to discern your true self from the persona the monster wishes you to embody. The boundaries grow hazy, even if you possess the strength to keep it confined.

Each monster is unique, much like every individual. We are all a blend of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The chaos it can unleash in our daily lives serves as a reminder of the importance of being aware of the havoc it can wreak. You hold the key to its cage; you possess what it craves.

Accepting that this monster will always exist—without the desire to eradicate it—can lead to greater self-understanding. The beast represents the potential for both good and evil within us; it is crucial to be mindful of what we choose to nurture.

What fuels it is your focus; that raw, primal attention acts as its sustenance. The more you feed it, the stronger it grows. This creature embodies your relentless craving for more—be it the need to be correct, to harbor anger, or to feel fear. It serves as a moral compass that can easily be overlooked.

We label it with terms like ego and narcissism to rationalize these intense feelings, failing to realize that the villain only takes the spotlight when we shine attention upon it.

"Allow me to present the monster that resides within me!"

At this juncture, you decide how much you will feed this beast and how much of your focus you are willing to relinquish. Every moment presents a choice regarding how much you nourish the monster and how long its leash will be.

Yield to its cries, and you risk becoming the very entity you have confined to the shadows of your mind. It's a trap that's all too simple to fall into.

You possess a finite amount of attention. You cannot create more; thus, every day involves a decision about how much to allocate. How much will pettiness and anger receive? Will vanity and jealousy also take a bite?

Which monster will you choose to nourish first?

A Native American proverb speaks of two wolves residing within us—one embodying goodness, the other evil. Each day, we choose which wolf to feed.

This duality—the intertwining of monster and humanity, the two wolves—has echoed through storytelling since the dawn of time. It serves as a reminder that the monster is perpetually alert, eternally hungry. Its cries will linger until the final moments of your life.

Make no mistake: you will never escape its yearning.

Your only hope lies in overcoming the beast by withholding what it desires most. Your attention is the most precious commodity; use it judiciously, or face the consequences of harboring a monster at your door.

Chapter 2: Feeding the Monster

In this video, "Filters, VCAs, submixers & crossfaders // Feeding the Monster Episode 3," we explore the tools that help us manage our inner chaos.

"Sound Sources: VCOs, Samplers & Waveshapers // Feeding the Monster Episode 2" delves into the building blocks of sound, drawing parallels to the elements that construct our inner experiences.