Chapter 1: The Test That Challenged My Identity

I couldn't believe my eyes as I looked at the results of the twelve-minute test.

"No way, that can't be true," I thought, shaking my head in disbelief.

Pushy, rude, lustful, aggressive—these were characteristics attributed to an 8, and I was adamant that I didn't fit that mold. I considered myself annoying at times, but I didn’t believe I made others miserable. I genuinely care about people’s feelings and strive to support them in overcoming their fears, nudging them towards self-love and growth.

"Alright, I'm here to help," I often say. "Let’s figure this out together!"

But I was met with resistance. My approach sometimes felt controlling, and I wondered, "How can we achieve our goals without a clear leader?"

I dismissed the idea of being an 8, thinking such individuals were generally terrible to be around.

Upon further exploration, I found myself reflecting more deeply on my personality. While I could see some truth in the description of an 8—intense, straightforward, and occasionally perceived as aggressive—I also recognized that I rarely experienced anger and often received compliments on being laid-back.

Despite my initial rejection, my curiosity about this personality typing system called the Enneagram grew. Intrigued by its potential for personal growth, I began delving into the different types, trying on various identities, except for the one I was certain I wasn’t—a 3.

As I engaged in this introspective process, I examined my motivations and fears, analyzing behaviors for weeks.

Section 1.1: What is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a self-discovery tool designed to help individuals identify their core personality type. No one can define you; it’s a journey of self-exploration to uncover your true self and strive for improvement.

Subsection 1.1.1: Embracing Self-Improvement

As I began to understand my personality type, I realized that I have a strong desire for self-improvement. I aim to nurture my soul and grow as a person, which necessitates continuous learning and challenge.

While several types resonated with me, their underlying motivations and fears didn't align perfectly. It’s commonly suggested that we all possess traits from each of the nine types, which explained my confusion.

Eventually, I came to terms with a realization: I would forgo all other desires for a single one—control over my own life.

Chapter 2: Acceptance and Understanding

I recognized that I wasn't a 3, 6, or 7, but rather someone who prioritizes autonomy—my life must be mine to steer. The Enneagram delves into core fears, and for me, the thought of losing control is terrifying.

Every few months, I send out detailed updates about my writing projects to my family, including instructions for what to do in case of my incapacitation.

The essence of this communication underscores my fear: losing control over my life is my greatest dread.