Overview of the Orgasm Gap

In brief, the orgasm gap reveals that women achieve orgasm approximately 63% of the time during sexual encounters, depending on various studies, while men report orgasm rates between 94% and 98%. This gap decreases when women engage with other women, yet it never fully disappears.

Heterosexual women experience the most significant gap, while lesbian women encounter the smallest, and bisexual women fall somewhere in between.

Among married couples, where partners have been together for a more extended period, the orgasm rates drop significantly—87% of husbands report orgasming consistently, compared to only 43% of wives.

When I first learned about the orgasm gap, I grasped the basic concept. Even at a younger age, I recognized the inadequacies of sex education in America.

Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling of being personally attacked by the discussion.

It's curious how our emotional reactions can contradict our rational comprehension.

This dissonance often fuels the divisive narrative surrounding the orgasm gap. Men may feel under siege while women feel overlooked; both perspectives carry some truth, yet both are also fundamentally misguided.

Let's clarify a few facts.

Distinguishing Fact from Fiction

It's a misconception that only a small fraction of women can achieve orgasm through penetration alone. This myth is rooted in a misinterpretation of a frequently cited study that, interestingly, suggests the opposite.

According to the research, 18.4% of women reported that penetration alone leads to orgasm every time. Unfortunately, many stop reading at this point. The researchers elaborated that the dynamics of sex are far more intricate.

When confronted with that 18.4% statistic, many assume that clitoral stimulation is the solution. We've all heard how sensitive the clitoris is compared to the vagina. However, the same study revealed that only 36.6% of women deemed clitoral stimulation necessary for orgasm.

This leaves an additional 30% unaccounted for.

The remaining 30% indicated that while clitoral stimulation wasn't essential, orgasms felt more intense when it occurred during intercourse. Researchers concluded that women express diverse preferences regarding genital stimulation—its location, pressure, shape, and rhythm.

Thus, the majority of women surveyed reported achieving orgasms through penetration alone, contradicting the common narrative.

The takeaway of "just focus on the clitoris" starkly opposes the study authors' conclusion that sexual experiences are unique and individual, resisting oversimplification.

I emphasize this point because we are currently doing the opposite of what is necessary. We blame individuals instead of examining the societal influences on our sexual lives.

These issues are complicated and extend beyond individual experiences, and subsequent studies have further complicated the discussion.

The Complexity Deepens

As awareness of the orgasm gap grew, Dr. Sara Chadwick and colleagues discovered that some men pressured their partners into orgasms (or feigned their own) to bolster their egos. It’s important to note that this behavior is not representative of the majority.

Many subsequent studies have found that simply increasing clitoral stimulation does not resolve the orgasm gap.

If it were merely a question of technique, we would expect lesbians to experience nearly zero gap, while heterosexual encounters would yield low orgasm rates for women. Yet, research indicates otherwise.

Early studies on the orgasm gap were often flawed, relying on questionnaires distributed to college students, which didn’t adequately represent all demographics.

Naturally, college students are likely to encounter orgasm challenges, given the casual nature of their sexual experiences and the lack of emotional connection with partners.

However, further research, including the comprehensive FINSEX study, still found a gap. This study surveyed women across Finland, representing various ages and backgrounds.

The findings indicated that while an orgasm gap persisted, technique alone did not address the issue. Whether partners engaged in penetration or clitoral stimulation had little effect.

Researchers discovered that prioritizing orgasm during sexual encounters helped to lessen—though not eliminate—the orgasm gap.

Rethinking the Role of Society in Sexual Experiences

A 2017 study titled Not All Orgasms Were Created Equal: Differences in Frequency and Satisfaction of Orgasm Experiences by Sexual Activity in Same-Sex Versus Mixed-Sex Relationships offered valuable insights into orgasm experiences.

The study found that, contrary to the stereotype of indifferent men, most men genuinely wish to provide their partners with oral sex.

Moreover, it demonstrated that stimulating the clitoris during penetration could effectively close the orgasm gap.

However, the most significant takeaway from this research pertains to the myths about human sexuality perpetuated across generations.

One surprising finding illustrates society's ambiguous role in shaping our sexual experiences. Women may find it easier to achieve orgasm through non-penetrative sex, but a majority express a preference for achieving orgasm through penetration:

> Women report that they are more likely to experience orgasm during nonpenetrative partnered activities, specifically those that directly stimulate the clitoris. For example, Fugl-Meyer, Oberg, Lundberg, Lewin, and Fugl-Meyer found that 83% of their female sample reported orgasms from manual genital caressing and 69% reported orgasm from receiving oral sex. Despite the higher frequency of orgasm from nonpenetrative activities, the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior found that only 18% of women have a preference for achieving orgasm through oral sex, whereas 69% prefer to reach orgasm through penetration.

Wait, how can this be?

This contradiction becomes clearer when we consider the societal messages we've received. Many of us have been conditioned to view certain sexual practices as "acceptable" while others are deemed "unacceptable."

For much of history, non-procreative sexual acts, including oral and anal sex, faced severe legal and social repercussions.

The infamous Marquis de Sade was sentenced