# Becoming an Effective Ally to the LGBTQIA+ Community
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Chapter 1: Understanding Allyship
Many individuals consider themselves allies to the LGBTQIA+ community, yet they often fall short, sometimes without even realizing it. It may feel awkward to approach LGBTQIA+ friends or acquaintances for guidance on how to be supportive, but failing to do so can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. Most people are generally open-minded and just need direction on how to better assist their queer friends, family, and colleagues. By following a few straightforward tips, you can not only become a more effective ally but also improve yourself as a person.
To start, let’s clarify what being an ally entails.
What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?
It often amuses me how people react once they learn that I am gay. Frequently, they respond by listing individuals they know who are also part of the LGBTQIA+ community, as if their familiarity with others somehow connects them to my experience. While these remarks come from a good place, they often reflect a misunderstanding of what it truly means to be an ally.
Being an ally involves joining forces for mutual benefit. This term is commonly used in military contexts, where nations collaborate to confront a common threat. At its essence, allyship encompasses both resources and risks. It requires action rather than mere passive support. An ally is not just someone who can be contacted in emergencies; they are individuals willing to step out of their comfort zones to offer meaningful support.
A true ally is actively involved in the lives of those they wish to support, ready to uplift the voices and needs of marginalized individuals, and—most importantly—someone who listens.
Recognizing that the LGBTQIA+ community is often marginalized is crucial. We are witnessing a growing militancy in conservative areas aimed at restricting queer rights, and in many regions, the LGBTQIA+ population faces discrimination and neglect. Now, more than ever, the queer community requires allies.
Here are some actionable tips to help you be an effective ally and a better person.
Be a PAL: Present, Amplifying, and Listening
#### Being Present
One of the greatest gifts you can offer your LGBTQIA+ friends, family, and acquaintances is your presence. When confronted with unfamiliar or uncomfortable topics, the natural instinct is often to withdraw. However, this distance can be harmful to a queer person.
When I came out to my oldest friends at the age of 50, they surrounded me with love and support. They frequently checked in, organized gatherings, and reached out via text, making me feel cherished during a transformative period in my life.
One friend, however, faced challenges with my revelation due to her strong religious beliefs. Instead of retreating, she chose to stay present. She expressed her struggles and engaged in meaningful conversations about my experiences and feelings. This friend has shown exemplary support while holding onto her beliefs, demonstrating that love and respect can bridge differing perspectives.
To be a good ally, make it a point to show up for your friends. Be willing to engage, even when faced with discomfort. Regularly check in and be available for them.
#### Amplifying Voices
Being an effective ally means you are willing to raise your voice in support of the LGBTQIA+ community within your sphere of influence. Allies do not remain silent.
Earlier, I mentioned that being an ally involves risks. Your voice is one of your most valuable resources, and using it to support the LGBTQIA+ community can feel daunting. When you hear negative remarks about the LGBTQIA+ community at social events or in other settings, do you speak out? When a political candidate you support undermines LGBTQIA+ rights, do you still back them? Choosing silence in these moments can signal a lack of support for the LGBTQIA+ individuals in your life.
#### Listening with Intent
While I often receive praise for being a good listener, I’ve come to realize that I have a tendency to jump in with solutions when someone shares their struggles with me. This approach can be unhelpful.
Instead of listening to understand, we sometimes listen only to prepare our responses. If you aspire to be a quality human and an effective ally, focus on improving your listening skills. This means being patient and asking open-ended questions to encourage further dialogue. Moreover, refrain from sharing your opinions or solutions unless explicitly asked.
When my children were young, I taught them that good listening requires engaging with our eyes, ears, and hearts. This principle is just as valuable for adults. It’s easy to listen with our ears; however, true listening includes maintaining eye contact and striving to comprehend both spoken words and unspoken feelings.
Conclusion
Being an ally is a significant contribution to the LGBTQIA+ community. Understanding the stakes involved and the risks inherent in allyship is vital for anyone who wishes to be a supportive friend. I am thankful for the allies in my life who demonstrate their love by being present, amplifying my concerns, and listening with empathy.
I hope you found this information useful, and I would love to hear your thoughts on what being an ally signifies to you. Feel free to leave a comment.
Chapter 2: Additional Resources
To further enhance your understanding of allyship, consider watching these videos:
How to Be a Better LGBTQ+ Ally
This video discusses practical ways to support the LGBTQ+ community and become a better ally.
#GotYourBack: Students Tell GLAAD What Makes a Good LGBT Ally
In this video, students share their perspectives on what qualities make someone an effective ally to the LGBTQIA+ community.
© Kim Kelly Stamp, all rights reserved.