Chapter 1: Understanding Triggers

If you can relate to my experience, you've probably encountered numerous individuals who have let you down. Over time, your subconscious begins to react to familiar patterns of behavior that have previously caused you pain, and this response often occurs automatically. For instance, if your new partner forgets to respond to a message, your immediate thought may be something like, "RUN AWAY, THEY CLEARLY DON'T CARE, AND I WON'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LOVE ME?" It might feel dramatic, but it's valid. Our feelings are intense, and they can hurt deeply.

The challenge arises when someone does something that genuinely wounds you, leaving you feeling gut-punched, and you’re left questioning whether your feelings are justified or if you’re simply reacting to past trauma. I can't determine which it is for you since I'm not with you to understand your situation (though I wish I could, dear friend). However, I can guide you through the overwhelming emotions you’re striving to manage. Today, we’re discussing a technique called 'parts work,' a fantastic tool for emotional processing.

Find a quiet space to be alone if you’re not with someone you trust to help you navigate these feelings. If you are with a safe person, consider requesting a brief break to process your emotions alone, or involve them in your journey if you feel comfortable.

Take a deep breath… And another. I know it can be exhausting to hear people insist on breathing techniques, but it genuinely helps. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Aim for at least ten deep breaths. Try to relax your body as much as possible; if that’s not feasible, simply breathe through the tension.

Pay attention to where you feel discomfort in your body. Is it in your stomach? The back of your neck? Your chest? Perhaps it’s in your shoulders. Acknowledge where this feeling resides within you and place your hand there, if possible. If you feel ready, gently tell that sensation, "I love you, I’m here for you." This step might be challenging, so don’t rush it; move at your own pace.

With your hand resting on that area, close your eyes and visualize what that feeling looks like. It could manifest as a burst of energy or a turbulent storm. Perhaps it resembles a crying child or even lacks a specific image altogether. Allow yourself to explore this feeling without judgment. There are no right or wrong answers; if your emotion doesn’t want to reveal itself, simply stay present with where the discomfort lies.

Once you’ve identified what you can, ask yourself what you’re genuinely feeling. This requires curiosity and courage. You might initially say, "I FEEL ANGRY," but upon reflection, you realize, "I feel hurt, rejected, and unworthy of love." Recognizing these deeper emotions can be much more challenging than simply expressing anger. Let the tears flow; allow this release to cleanse your system. Studies show that crying can reduce cortisol levels, so embrace the process.

A helpful tip for crying: Many of us weren’t taught how to let our emotions flow freely. The first time my therapist encouraged me to allow my feelings to run their course, I was bewildered. We often believe that if we start crying, it will never end. However, I discovered that feelings do pass. The first time I allowed myself to feel after my cat passed away, I expected it to be overwhelming, but surprisingly, it subsided after about 45 seconds. I learned that embracing my emotions can lead to relief, even if it feels daunting.

After recognizing your true feelings, you can begin to comfort yourself and discuss your emotions at your own pace. If you’re in a supportive environment, share your experiences with someone who will listen. If you lack such a space, give yourself the comfort you deserve. This process is both challenging and beautiful, and you’re doing important work. I’m not here to dictate how to share your feelings, but if you can, consider journaling to explore where these emotions stem from and how you can nurture yourself through them. Remember, you are worthy of this effort.

We’ll delve deeper into these concepts later, but for now, I hope this offers some solace. Navigating these emotions requires strength. Below, I’m sharing a link to EFT Tapping, an excellent somatic practice that can be immensely beneficial during these times. We will definitely explore this technique further in future discussions.

You are deeply loved, and I truly believe in you.

xx

Angie

Explore effective coping strategies for emotional triggers in this insightful video.

Ryan Mazurkivich discusses practical approaches to regain control when life feels overwhelming in this TEDx talk.

Disclaimer: By engaging with this content, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed mental health professional, and this information does not replace the guidance of qualified psychologists or other mental health practitioners.