What Triggering Really Means

The notion of being triggered can be philosophical, but for those affected by childhood trauma, it is a deeply personal experience. A seemingly innocuous conversation about gardening with my partner plunged me back into feelings of insecurity rooted in my childhood.

It's not the subject that triggers us but the emotions and memories that emerge during discussions. When these feelings arise, they can hijack our adult reasoning, pulling us back into a childlike state filled with old fears. For me, this meant transitioning from a calm adult to a worried child, overwhelmed by thoughts that felt exhausting to manage.

The first video, "Worry & Trauma Imagination Hijack," delves into how trauma can distort our perceptions and responses, offering insights into navigating these complex feelings.

From Trigger to Understanding: Strategies for Healing

Fortunately, with the right tools from my healing journey, I can identify when my reactions don't align with the present situation. This awareness prompts me to ask, “What’s this really about?” By doing this, I can distinguish between my past and my current reality.

However, the work doesn’t end there. While I can begin to integrate new narratives, underlying feelings may still remain hidden. For instance, during a discussion about gardening that included my partner’s adult son, my old feelings of invisibility resurfaced, making it difficult to fully comprehend my emotional response.

Understanding the Root of Feelings

Working with a skilled therapist can facilitate the exploration of these complex emotions. A simple yet profound question from my therapist—“What feelings is she afraid to have?”—prompted me to confront deeper fears related to feeling insignificant.

A lifetime of unmet emotional needs often leads to a reluctance to express one’s own needs. As I navigated my new relationship, I had to balance advocating for my needs while respecting those of my partner and his son. The fear of being overlooked loomed large, prompting me to confront difficult thoughts about my worth.

The second video, "How Your Childhood Trauma Is Affecting Your Relationship and What To Do About It," provides guidance on recognizing these patterns and offers practical solutions for healing.

Strategies for Ongoing Growth

Even when we identify the core issues, we often lack the strategies to address them effectively. This is where expert guidance becomes essential. For example, utilizing a Venn Diagram can help couples navigate the balance between individual and shared needs.

Creating a visual representation of needs can illuminate areas of overlap, helping partners understand how to fulfill both their individual requirements and their collective ones.

By leaning into the tension that arises in relationships, we can cultivate a kinder approach to our feelings and learn to manage challenges without feeling overwhelmed.

Final Thoughts

The journey for those who have experienced childhood trauma differs significantly from those who haven’t. Yet, we all strive for healthier lives—both mentally and physically. The path to fostering meaningful relationships is not a one-time effort; it requires ongoing commitment.

Each challenge encountered in relationships offers an opportunity for personal growth and deeper self-awareness. As we engage in this healing process, we not only enhance our own lives but also positively impact those around us.

Ultimately, how we begin our journey does not dictate how we must end it. Here’s to embracing the path toward the fulfilling life we all deserve.