Understanding the Need for More in Your Relationship Dynamics
Written on
Chapter 1: What Does “Enough” Mean in a Relationship?
When assessing what constitutes "enough" in a romantic partnership, it's crucial to recognize individual needs and feelings.
A woman reflected on her eight-year relationship, which had seen its ups and downs. “We share great moments,” she noted, “but I crave more emotional availability and presence from him. It often feels like our connection revolves solely around his preferences.”
She described their relationship as largely centered on enjoyment and intimacy. While this had been satisfactory at one point, recent disputes regarding his commitment had emerged. “I’ve come across the term ‘situationship,’” she mentioned, “but I believe our bond is deeper. I know I deserve more, yet I fear that demanding clarity might jeopardize what we have.”
Section 1.1: The Concept of a Situationship
A situationship can be defined as a relationship lacking clear labels and commitment; it exists somewhere between casual dating and a fully committed partnership.
Many relationships start in this ambiguous phase, where both parties assess their feelings before engaging in deeper discussions about their future. However, some remain indefinitely in this grey area, particularly if one person is hesitant to commit.
While maintaining a casual relationship can be liberating for both partners, emotional attachments often complicate matters, leading one person to desire more than the other is willing to give.
My client and her partner had been together long enough that friends considered them a couple. However, they lived largely independent lives, seldom involving each other’s families, and had not discussed any long-term plans.
She felt that her partner had other close relationships and wasn’t always available during her challenging moments, which left her feeling anxious and insecure.
Section 1.2: Identifying Personal Needs
For her, the critical issue was not merely labeling their relationship but honestly evaluating whether it fulfilled her needs. She listed several indicators of their ambiguous status:
- They had not introduced each other to their families.
- They did not label their relationship or express commitment.
- Plans were often short-term and lacked direction.
- While they enjoyed each other's company, their interactions were frequently sexual.
- Discussions about the future were vague and lacked commitment.
- Summer vacations were planned independently.
- He attended her significant events but avoided family gatherings.
- Expressions of love were absent, despite her attempts.
- This dynamic left her feeling uncertain and jealous, questioning whether to continue or seek someone else.
Chapter 2: Taking Steps Towards Clarity
As my client contemplated the future of her relationship, she realized it was essential to assess whether their current arrangement would suffice for her moving forward.
If you find yourself in a similar position, consider the following questions:
Am I Content with Our Current Status?
Reflect on whether you genuinely feel satisfied with the relationship as it stands. If you are comfortable with the uncertainty and your emotions aren't in turmoil, you might not need to take further action. However, if you feel unfulfilled, it’s essential to explore this further.
Is There Mutual Respect in Our Relationship?
Respect should be a cornerstone of any relationship, extending beyond just the romantic aspect. Evaluate whether your partner consistently treats you in a way that meets your needs.
Am I Communicating My Needs Clearly?
It's vital to articulate what you desire in a relationship. If your attempts to communicate have led to conflict, consider whether you're fully advocating for your needs or allowing things to continue on your partner’s terms.
Can We Create a Relationship Framework Together?
Discuss what exclusivity means to both of you. Consider whether you want to meet each other's families or label your relationship. Establishing clear agreements can help eliminate confusion.
Recognize Your Self-Worth.
Many individuals undervalue themselves, often accepting less than they deserve. Remember, a healthy relationship should reflect mutual appreciation. You are worthy of love and respect, and your partner should acknowledge this consistently.
Thanks for reading! If you’re interested in more insights on practical psychology, feel free to join my email list.
In this video, Mel Robbins discusses the signs that may indicate your relationship is over and how to recognize disrespectful behavior from your partner.
In another insightful video, Mel Robbins outlines five key signs that suggest your relationship may no longer be fulfilling, providing guidance on what steps to consider next.