Who Am I?

I frequently find myself contemplating the question, Who am I? It’s almost like reciting a mantra, reminiscent of the caterpillar’s inquiry in "Alice in Wonderland." This question is universal; we all wrestle with it. Our moods, experiences, and backgrounds shape our reflections on our existence on this beautiful, floating planet.

Delving into the essence of our reality can lead to profound thoughts. However, before we spiral into that deep abyss of introspection, let me share a bit about myself.

My name is Patty, and I am married to a wonderful man with whom I feel completely at ease. While I’m not silly all the time, I never feel the need to hide my true self around him. Plus, he surprises me with coffee every morning, which I believe is a true testament to love.

Together, we have two young boys who bring immense joy, albeit with occasional tantrums. Our dog, Sookie—a mix of catahoula and border collie—sits beside me as I write and follows me around throughout the day while I work from home.

I previously worked as a teacher but chose not to renew my contract for the 2022/23 school year. My teaching journey began during the pandemic, an experience you can read about, detailing the chaos of online teaching during lockdown.

The Moment I Realized I Needed a New Self-Care Ritual

After navigating the challenges of teaching and parenting from home, I came to a realization: my self-care routine was lacking. While teaching fourth grade and summer school, I began exploring ways to prioritize my well-being.

Ultimately, I made the decision to stop drinking (more on that later). When I embraced sobriety, I recognized that my passion for teaching elementary school was dwindling. While I love working with kids and facilitating their learning, I found the pressure and unrealistic expectations overwhelming. Most importantly, I didn’t like the person I was becoming.

I was often filled with anger, returning home feeling defeated and drained, questioning my impact. My health declined, and I started to withdraw from the people around me, including my own family—a painful realization. Most evenings, I found myself zoning out in front of the TV with a glass of wine, avoiding the issues I faced as an educator.

So, I decided to take a break and write.

Why Do I Write?

Writing has always been a cherished pastime for me. In sixth grade, I penned a story and gifted it to my librarian as a token of gratitude for nurturing my creativity. Although it wasn’t my best work, I felt alive as I crafted a 15-page fantasy about a girl who discovers she’s a queen in an alternate realm.

That summer, I collaborated with a friend to create a magazine, even though we never published it. In middle school, I filled my journals with poetry and musings about love. High school saw me take on the role of a copy editor for the school newspaper, a position I embraced without fully understanding the intricacies involved.

In college, writing was a constant in my life—academic papers, reflections on readings, and personal journal entries kept me engaged. It was common for me to stay in on a Friday night, writing until the early hours.

Now, as I approach my forties, I realize that writing isn’t just a hobby; it’s a necessity for me.

Writing, The Thing You Must Do Not Want to Do

It’s ingrained in my identity, shaping how I process and share experiences. Thus, I carve out time for it in my daily routine.

Medium is an excellent platform for writing, fostering a community of creators and readers who prefer meaningful content over the distractions of advertisements. I often feel overwhelmed when reading articles on other platforms due to the noise of incessant ads.

Moreover, I aim to be active on Medium, setting a goal of publishing 3-4 articles weekly—a manageable target so far. I’ve connected with remarkable individuals through this platform, including The Sober Vegan Yogi, Ayodeji Awosika, and others who inspire me.

The beauty of Medium is its inclusivity; even those with large followings engage with writers who are just starting.

Reflecting on my writing journey, it wasn’t until I quit drinking that I found clarity regarding what I wanted to express.

When Did I Know It Was Time to Look At My Relationship With Alcohol?

With over a decade of binge drinking behind me, admitting this still feels like a punch in the gut. I’ve contemplated quitting many times.

You can read my full story in the linked article below, but the essence is that my pursuit of euphoria through alcohol only led to darker times. It wasn’t until I became a parent that I truly considered how alcohol impacted my life and my ability to parent effectively.

I started attempting to limit my intake—just one glass often turned into just one more. My efforts to restrict drinking to Fridays often ended in disappointment. I recognized it was time for change, but fitness challenges failed to yield the results I wanted, and I found myself merely working out while hungover.

These attempts at moderation were stepping stones in my sober journey. Yet, during that time, I felt isolated, depressed, and hopeless, resigning myself to the notion that this was just my reality.

Why I Don’t Consider Myself An Alcoholic?

My drinking habits didn’t involve daily binges, yet I consumed alcohol regularly. I often caught myself preoccupied with thoughts about when my next drink would be, how much I’d consume, and why I had drunk the night before.

I believe the term "alcoholic" is frequently misused, serving as a simplistic label for individuals grappling with their drinking habits.

I didn’t rely on alcohol to get through my day, nor did I wake up drinking—except perhaps on Christmas. I maintained my responsibilities, paid my bills, and ensured dinner was on the table.

As I navigate this sobriety journey, I’m encountering a wealth of new vocabulary and concepts. While I’m still figuring out how to label my relationship with alcohol, I don’t identify with the term “alcoholic.”

How I Got Sober?

After searching online for answers about my drinking and considering rehab options, I felt an overwhelming sense of shame. I recognized my problematic behavior but wasn’t ready to fully admit it.

Instead, I sought out yoga retreats, feeling that approach was more wholesome. However, the financial constraints made that impossible. Instead, I’d scroll through Facebook with a glass of wine, numbing my anxiety about quitting.

Then, I encountered an ad for Sober Sis, a 21-day program aimed at helping individuals step back from alcohol to gain clarity about their relationship with it. Intrigued, I learned it cost $97. Initially unsure if I could afford it, I quickly realized that I spent more than that on alcohol.

Without hesitation, I enrolled in the program.

Why I Paid Money to Quit Drinking (and still do)

This program delivered daily emails packed with information about alcohol’s effects on the body. I learned techniques to manage cravings and create distance between desire and action. The most valuable part was the Marco Polo group, where we checked in daily to discuss our experiences and challenges.

Our community continues to support each other daily. As I deepened my understanding of alcohol and its impact, my desire to share my insights grew.

How I Stay Sober?

Remaining sober presents challenges, yet it’s not insurmountable. I keep key principles in mind and strive to prioritize awareness of alcohol in my life.

For instance, I aim never to forget the negative effects alcohol had on my well-being. The phenomenon of Fading Affect Bias can distort memories, making it easy to romanticize drinking. Even if I momentarily forget, I remind myself of this bias and stay vigilant.

I maintain routines, such as my morning rituals, and consistently engage with my sober circles. Daily, I read, listen, or write about sobriety, ensuring it remains a focal point in my life.

Books I Read in the Past 6 Months

Predominantly, my reading list has been filled with literature focused on quitting drinking.

How I Give Back to You?

As I traverse this path of alcohol-free living, I feel an innate urge to share my experiences and lessons learned. My background as an educator drives this desire.

Most of my writing on Medium revolves around my sobriety journey, although I also delve into other observations and experiences. The interest in my alcohol-related content is evident from the engagement I receive.

Harnessing my youthful spirit, I create resources and free materials for those interested in learning more. For additional insights, check out my GumRoad page or subscribe to my email list for regular updates.

DRY DIY Program

Consider taking a break from alcohol this month! This email program is designed to assist women nearing 40 in embarking on a 21-day alcohol-free journey.

Other places I am @:

TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Gumroad, Linktr.ee, Email List

Thank you for joining me on this journey! I hope you feel encouraged to connect. Please share your thoughts or experiences in the comments, and I’ll respond!

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DISCLAIMER: Some links may be affiliate links, meaning I earn a small commission on purchases. I am an educator, not a medical professional. If you have concerns regarding alcoholism or mental health, please seek professional assistance.