The Significance of Permission

You might assume that authority is needed to grant permission, right? That’s a misconception! Anyone can grant permission to others, but even more importantly, you can give yourself permission!

“Give yourself permission to do what you’ve always wanted.” – Chris Guillebeau (1978-present)

Are you skilled at issuing commands or following them? Most of us are, even when those orders come from ourselves. But how adept are you at granting or receiving permission?

The Moment of Realization

The day I grasped the power of permission was while mentoring a colleague. During our discussion, I told him he could pursue a specific opportunity; he just needed to allow himself to do so. As we concluded, he expressed, “No one has ever encouraged me to take this step until you. I thought I had to hold back, but now I see I don’t!”

Given the significance of this decision, and considering this man was already in his forties, I was surprised by its impact on him. Afterward, I found myself questioning whether this realization was genuinely transformative.

Later that evening, I received an email from him, expressing gratitude for my encouragement. He wrote, “After all these years, I finally feel like I have permission to act!” That moment was pivotal for me.

While I have always motivated my colleagues and employees, this situation felt distinct. The profound effect it had on him revealed a hidden truth to me. All he needed was someone to affirm his potential, to grant him permission to pursue his dreams. It liberated him!

“Freedom is coming to mean little more than the right to ask permission.” – Joseph Sobran (1946–2010)

A Personal Story

A personal instance occurred after the passing of my first wife, Charlotte, due to cancer. Four years later, when I married Jane, we devised a plan for my retirement from corporate life. As a driven Type A individual, the idea of retiring had not crossed my mind.

At Jane's urging, we established a five-year plan. I doubt I would have retired when I did without her support.

Having advanced from laborer to CEO through sheer determination, I was unaware of my need for permission to make such a significant change. However, that need existed. My strong work ethic had kept me from contemplating retirement.

Suddenly, I had a defined plan that included a retirement date. Jane’s approval and our strategy gave me the permission I needed. Once I accepted this, I felt liberated and retired.

I am grateful for this lesson and many others. This principle has proven to be one of the most powerful insights I’ve encountered in executive coaching. After retiring, I returned to school for a new career and became a certified professional coach! I have since retired again and now spend my time writing, mentoring, and coaching at my church.

Many of my coaching clients, successful business professionals in their late thirties to sixties, were surprised at how little permission they had granted themselves. These accomplished executives experienced remarkable shifts in their lives once they embraced the concept of permission.

As an executive and team coach, Jane has witnessed similar transformations. Most people only need a small dose of permission to motivate them to pursue their long-desired goals. They need someone to help them realize that it’s perfectly acceptable to take action.

As coaches, we don’t directly influence clients' decisions. Instead, we assist them in discovering their own choices. Once they do, extraordinary things occur.

“Give yourself permission to make the story bigger.” – Jay Baer (1969-present)

Try It Out

In recent years, I have become more straightforward in discussing the concept of permission with others. Introducing permission into conversations encourages individuals to reflect and explore the idea. Once they acknowledge this permission, even from themselves, they often move forward with newfound confidence to achieve their goals.

Consider using these questions for self-reflection or to guide someone else in exploring the notion of permission:

• “What would it feel like if you had permission to ____________?”
• “To move forward, whose permission do you require?”
• “What barriers are preventing you from seeking or granting yourself permission to _____________?”
• “Why not give yourself permission to move forward now?”

“Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be.” – Joy Page (1924–2008)

There are countless areas where you can practice granting yourself or others permission, such as:

• Seeking a new job
• Recareering
• Trying something new
• Taking bold actions
• Moving forward despite potential failure
• Going on that dream vacation
• Utilizing all your vacation days
• Taking calculated risks
• Pursuing further education
• Retiring
• Volunteering
• Loving someone
• Getting married
• Starting a family
• Adopting a child

Do any of these resonate with you? These are just a few examples, and you can surely think of many more. Take some quiet time with a journal and jot down the things you wish you could do. What are your aspirations? Use the questions above as a guide during this reflective time.

Final Thoughts

Who might benefit from understanding the transformative power of permission? Find someone you trust, have them read this article, and explore the topic together by asking each other the questions listed.

As a leader, you have the opportunity to empower those around you by granting them permission to pursue their work and take on projects that exceed expectations. A little encouragement can yield astonishing results. The potential that comes with the power of permission is virtually limitless.

I challenge you to empower both yourself and someone else this week by harnessing the power of permission!

“I suspect the most we can hope for, and it’s no small hope, is that we never give up, that we never stop giving ourselves permission to try to love and receive love.” – Elizabeth Strout (1956-present)

May you fully grant yourself permission to lead a long, healthy, and joyful life filled with enriching relationships!

Explore the significance of giving yourself permission in this insightful talk by Jay Shetty.

Discover why allowing yourself to make mistakes is essential for growth in this conversation with Suzanne Simms.